Too much: Is it me or is being a working mom with professional goals impossible

So I was in Honors U.S. today, playfully called HUSH, and we were discussing a Time Magazine Article called "Drop-out Nation" (please note, this is an article that I began using several years ago before the most recent cover story about Israel was irresponsibly published - read: my relationship with Time is tenuous at best). We read and discussed this after reading excerpts from Denise Clark Pope's Doing School in an attempt to better understand public education in America. Students will also read "The Creativity Crisis" and chapters of Jonothan Kozel's Savage Inequalities; then we will call upon the spirits of Washington, Jefferson, Mann, Dewey and others to determine what we think the goals SHOULD be for our public education system, but I digress.

So this student was saying that she thinks that from an early age we (in Westport/affluent suburbia) are programmed to get into a good college and to never consider jobs like toll collectors. At this point I interjected to say that I view the job of a toll collector to be successful in a way that I never will be - that at the end of the day the toll collector has fulfilled a critical role in our society AND when they leave their post their professional responsibilities are over. I have NEVER experienced this.

So I am a horrible horrible blogger. I haven't updated my blog in almost a month, despite our weekly deadlines. I am thrilled to be a part of a group of professionals that aim for great heights; I've attempted to be actively involved in our meetings, I've read, researched and toyed with several ideas, and I've had the amazing opportunity for really the first time to reflect on my craft, but I'm drowning -- utterly struggling to stay well-behind the proverbial 8-ball.

I just put my kids to bed. It took just under an hour. My husband is a film critic and with the New York Film Festival in full effect, he's quite busy. His job has always meant that a few nights a week I'm on my own with the kids/household. That means I wake up before 6am, get home between 4 & 5pm and manage the home front until after "bedtime." Tonight that meant - reading "Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet" to my oldest - a 5 year old girl - and then leaving her in her room with the lights on to "read until she gets tired b/c she's not a "quick fall-asleeper.'"

I read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and "Dora and Boots Bouncy Ball Adventure" to my 3-year-old daughter despite the fact that I said I'd only read one book. I braided and bunned hair, supervised toothbrushing and potty-going and helped to clean up the "fancy party" that was created in our kitchen/family room after making and eating dinner (multiple varieties of pasta for myself and them).

Before dinner we did my oldest's homework (lest you forget she's in 1st grade); she has math and writing homework AND we had to read for 15 minutes - she read The 12 Dogs of Christmas. Prior to THAT I washed the coffee maker and my containers that I brought home from meals at school. I received my lacrosse schedule for this Spring and pondered who I could convince to play us now that we're "for real" (I need to add 6 games). I also recalled about 6 emails that I have to send captains, their moms, the booster club, donors, and those in charge of the youth program; Saw a note from my oldest's school that she needs to see an eye exam after performing questionably on an in-school eye exam. Saw another note about a copay for my youngest's dermatologist's appointment and got a confirmation email about Dentist appointments on Saturday morning (that I made 6 mos ago?).

Prior to that I was at school, meeting with students who missed school the day we set up their websites and others who were preparing for geography presentations tomorrow. I taught 4 classes today, had one duty period in the learning center where I met with kids who want college recs (I'm up to 9) and ate lunch. I spent my first period - my only true free - creating gmail groups and website links for all my classes (something I should have done a week ago).

Yesterday I taught 5 classes and had a meeting after school (which was partially about the curriculum that we are FINALLY rewriting - yahooo - but means more meetings, reading, research, etc.), only to rush to the grocery store and then home to make dinner....(you get the idea).

Things I feel overwhelming responsibility toward accomplishing: I have a pile of assignments from Mideast that need to be graded from a week ago (24 kids), piles of mini-essays from 2 honors classes (50 kids) from Friday that need to be graded as well as 2 piles of reflections on public education, and a pile, collected today, of personal essays from collab (36 kids) that need to be graded. I still need to reread pp 1-42 of Edmund Morgan's The Birth of the Republic, and finish reading Zeitoun and Nickle and Dimed. I still don't have a parking sticker, I have financial lax business from last year that hasn't been finished, I still have to write to Cameron's family, and deal with my own family concerns in the next two weeks that have far-reaching implications.

So, if anyone is still with me I have a few questions that I would LOVE some help with:

a. when and how can I reasonably make and create professional goals?

b. ditto personal/family goals?

c. ditto Kokie (anyone?)

d. why do I listen to news radio in the am when I know its just going to add to my list of things with which to deal?

on a positive note, I'm really loving what's going on in my classes, despite having to break in the students to stop being grade-earning machines and, instead, mindful, lifelong learners developing 21st century skills. The students' google maps are posted for mideast and they are tight (this is the first time for posting the maps)! I'm thinking that they'll blog their current events which will be hella cool (to borrow a phrase from Cali circa 1996). The honors and collab sites are up and running and I will be rocking blogs with them soon, but not yet....as it is we rewrote the collab curriculum over the last few weeks and it is very exciting but there are only so many eggs I can hatch.

ps I still have to meet with Trudy about Nola......my daily affirmation is basically - "you are not a failure."

pps I'm sorry for letting down my peeps. I am so, so tired. Also, I have no intention of posting like this again, but I had to get it out there so interested parties knew why I was remiss in posting. I will try to do better. i will also try to do yoga, eat right, exercise, parent mindfully, keep a daily journal, put all my photos into photo albums, ....